Tag: Miscellaneous

General Manager
Welcome Break Services
M1 Motorway
Junction 14/15
Newport Pagnell
Buckinghamshire
MK18 8DS

Dear Sir/Madam

I write to complain about the state of the gents toilets at your Newport Pagnell establishment on the M1. I am aware that most motorway service station toilets require a little adjustment in expectations from the norm when one is using them, but I’m afraid that my visit on the afternoon of Thursday 28th December was quite unacceptable.

It wasn’t so much that the cubicle I had selected was dirty, neither was it so much the fact that the seat sanitizer facility was not working. This sort of thing I am, albeit reluctantly, accustomed to at most motorway service stations. What I find completely astonishing was that when I had finished my business, I opened the cubicle door and tripped over a “health and safety” cone which one of your thoughtless cleaners had placed outside the door whilst I was occupying the cubicle. The cone was around 18 inches high and a very similar colour to the floor itself, and so to all intents and purposes it was invisible to me.

Were it not for the fact that I am quite a strong and agile chap with a keen sense of balance, I would have had a reasonably serious accident by falling to the floor after having the blasted thing tangled up between my legs. This would not only have made for a good You’ve Been Framed clip, but also a healthy court case brought to court by one of those dreadful “accident claim” companies who advertise on the television during the day. As it happened I merely kicked it to the other side of the room as part of my recovery.

I’m sure you’ll agree that the thoughtless placement of this cone very nearly had the exact opposite effect of its design purpose. I might therefore suggest that your cleaning staff do not put such health and safety devices where they themselves might become hazards. Having them in a more contrasting colour to the floors on which they stand might also be a good idea.

I trust that you will give this matter your full attention.

Many thanks, and a happy new year to you.

Yours faithfully

Stuart Benjamin Ford

Today I am going to rant about the widespread unacceptable misuse of the word “Turbo”. There is this common misconception that the word somehow means “fast”. You can buy “turbo” cars, “turbo” computers, “turbo” running shoes and even “turbo” irons(!)

Turbo cars, I hear you say? But surely they exist, and they are really fast!?

Correct. But they are not fast because they are “turbo”. They are fast because they are fitted with a device called a “turbocharger”, which works by using the power of exhaust gasses to compress clean air back into the engine, thus further aspirating it, making the combustion stronger and thus and making it more powerful. It does this using a turbine, much like a very small (and indeed very fast) windmill. Observe HowStuffWorks: Turbochargers for more information.

But still, the word “turbocharger” has the word “turbo” as a subset, so it might imply that something is fast – right? Yes, but implication and meaning are two different thing. It is called a turbocharger because it uses a turbine. “Turbo” is a latin word meaning “an eddy , whirling round; a mental or political disturbance; a child’s top; a reel; a spindle” (reference: UND Latin Dictionary and Grammar Aid) – which obviously relates to the turbine as that’s the part that does the whirling and spinning. But that doesn’t mean that “turbo” means “fast”, it simply means “spiral”, “whirl”, which, in the context of a combustion engine, is used as part of one method to make the engine more powerful without adding significant extra weight.

So why oh why oh why do people slap “turbo” stickers on irons and computers when no such whirling or spinning parts are present (CPU fans don’t count, smartarse, making the computer fast is not their purpose). Turbo does NOT mean fast, it means spiral, whirl, spin. Show me where the spinning turbine is on a super w@w turbo iron or the latest Phillipine sweatshop products that you put on your feet.

Yes, yes, I know that the word’s now become so common that its implied meaning is now generally accepted, like a lot of other silly words that make it into the OED every year, but that’s not going to stop me from ranting about the stupidity of it.